{"id":524,"date":"2012-09-05T20:53:12","date_gmt":"2012-09-05T20:53:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.michaeltuckerauthor.com\/aquarius_falling\/?p=524"},"modified":"2012-09-05T20:53:12","modified_gmt":"2012-09-05T20:53:12","slug":"messengers-in-denim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/2012\/09\/05\/messengers-in-denim\/","title":{"rendered":"Messengers in Denim"},"content":{"rendered":"

Messengers in Denim<\/em><\/p>\n

By Parnell Donahue, M.D.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Messengers in Denim<\/em> sounds like the title to the newest vampire trilogy or perhaps a new Scifi novel debut but it\u2019s not any of those things. In fact it\u2019s not a novel but a non-fiction book on successful parenting. It\u2019s about parenting during those difficult years \u2013 the teen years. Let\u2019s face the truth parenting for children from infancy to age 10 or 11 is not all that difficult. That\u2019s the age of dependence. The little ones depend on mom and dad for everything. They revel in their mother\u2019s beauty and their father\u2019s wisdom until they hit those pre-teen and teen years. Then the sham is over, the jig is up, mom and dad have feet of clay and overnight our teenaged children possess the knowledge of the world and quickly let us know it.<\/p>\n

Well take heart because Dr. Donahue\u2019s book provides a useful GPS tool to successfully navigate these troubled years. He opens the book with a chapter titled \u201cKids Do Listen\u201d and trust Dr. Donahue, they really do listen, but the most important of the book\u2019s lessons is for us parents to listen to the messages that our teenagers give to us.<\/p>\n

The book is divided into six sections that deal with life such as, Home and Family, Religion, Substance Abuse, Teen Sexuality, Medical Issues, and Living Well. Each of the sections is subdivided into chapters that address specific issues within the sections. Each section concludes with a list of useful Parenting Tips. It\u2019s an easy read that doesn\u2019t require one to start at the beginning and go to the end. The reader can pick and choose their most relevant topics for immediate reading. However, the material is light enough for the reader to begin at the beginning and cover each topic as it is presented all the way to the end.<\/p>\n

Dr. Donahue presents his advice in an easy conversational style with most chapters relaying information through an encounter with a young person sharing pearls of wisdom with the Doctor. Hence, the title, Messengers in Denim<\/em>. I would encourage anyone with children aged 9 and older to get this book. In books such as this one it is often tempting to skip the Foreword. Don\u2019t do it for this book. The Foreword written by Matthew D. Eberly, MD offers tremendous insight to Dr. Donahue that goes beyond his impressive biography.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

$\"\"$ <\/p>\n

Interview with Dr. Parnell Donahue, M.D., Author, Messengers in Denim<\/em><\/h2>\n
Dr. Donahue has over forty years experience in pediatric medicine and is a member of the Irish and American Pediatric Society, the American Academy of Pediatrics, and a past member of the AMA, the Society for Adolescent Medicine, the American College of Sports Medicine, the Georgia Chapter of the Academy of Pediatrics, and the Wisconsin Chapter of the Academy of Pediatrics.<\/p>\n
MJT:<\/strong> Dr. Donahue, what was your motivation, forty years ago, to select pediatric medicine?<\/p>\n
PD: After internship, I served in the USAF where I worked part time in the pediatric clinic with pediatricians Maurice Falk and Ken Kerr. These doctors knew so much, and inspired me to learn more. Together we were able to make a difference in many families\u2019 lives. I had liked pediatrics while in Medical School, and, probably because of my large family, I always felt comfortable with kids. This Air Force experience made my entry into pediatrics a necessity and very enjoyable.<\/strong><\/p>\n
While in the Air Force I also spent time in the orthopedic clinic. There Dr. Frank Kelly impressed me with the joy of seeing broken bones heal. He also showed me how fun it was to help young airman and athletes perform better.<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT:<\/strong> When did you first get the idea for this book?<\/p>\n
PD: Many years ago a 10 year old girl told me I should write a book about diseases. I had just diagnosed her with a bronchial infection, discussed it with her and her mother, then I asked if she had any questions. She said no, and added that the explanation was very interesting and I should write a book about it.<\/strong><\/p>\n
I thought about that for a couple of months and eventually wrote Germs Make Me Sick <\/em>(1975 Alfred A Knopf). It was very successful and appeared in many public libraries and schools. Part of the fun was getting letters and questions from kids and their families from all over the USA. <\/strong><\/p>\n
About that time, because of my knowledge and experience with orthopedics and pediatrics, I was asked to be team physician for the local high school. That was a fun, non-paying job, and I loved it. Out of this came my second book, Sports Doc<\/em> (1975 Alfred A. Knopf). The excitement of being an author continued for a few more years but, my practice and my family life became too busy to do much writing.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Messengers in Denim,<\/em><\/strong> like my first book, was born from a patient I saw in my practice.\u00a0 Marc (you read about him in chapter nine) told me \u201cIf you sleep with dogs you\u2019ll get fleas.\u201d Now that may be a common phrase to you, but I had not heard it. It started me thinking about things other teens told me that made sense. Soon I had written half a dozen good life lessons in my note book. Then I started to recall other patients whose stories taught a lesson.<\/strong><\/p>\n
I never thought of these lessons becoming a parenting book. I called them \u201cLife Lessons I Learned from Teens.\u201d I presented the information at a pediatric conference in California and another in Atlanta. At that last conference one of the doctors asked \u201cWhen is the book coming out?\u201d Until then I hadn\u2019t thought about making it a book.<\/strong><\/p>\n
I submitted it to a number of publishing houses but they all told me no one wants to read about teenagers. Finally David Hall, from MapleTree Publishing told me he would buy it if I changed it to a parenting teenagers book. I gasped at the thought of my delightful book about teenagers becoming a dreaded parenting book!<\/strong><\/p>\n
But the transition was not too difficult and Messengers in Denim<\/em> became a reality.<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT:\u00a0 <\/strong>I find your title intriguing. How did you come up with Messengers in Denim?<\/em><\/p>\n
PD: Picking a title is a difficult job. My family and I submitted many titles, as did the editors and publisher. I think \u201cMessengers in Denim <\/em>was about the 50^{th<\/sup> title the editors, publisher, and I discussed. But Doreatha Page, my sister-in law, came up with it after reading an early copy.<\/strong><\/p>\n}
I think babies are born carrying a message from their Creator. When these little angels (angels you will recall are God\u2019s Messengers) become teens they are still the same angel you held in your arms a few years ago, only now they are wearing denim.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Our job as parents is to decipher that message and teach them our message. After all, we all are carriers of God\u2019s messages.<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT: <\/strong>In almost every chapter you make your point by using anecdotes presented in dialogue fashion with adolescent patients. With over forty years in the field how did you manage to pull this history together? I have this image in my mind of your garage filled to the rafters with boxes containing patient histories.<\/p>\n
PD:<\/strong>\u00a0 My garage is filled to the rafters, but it\u2019s not with patients\u2019 histories, it\u2019s all my gardening stuff! The histories are actually a part of me.<\/strong><\/p>\n
One of the things I love about peds is the connection with families. After a visit or two the kids become \u201cMy\u201d kids, and who could forget his kids. One of the mothers once told my wife, \u201cGoing to see your husband is like going to see my brother or my favorite uncle.\u201d\u00a0 I felt the same way about her and almost all of my \u201ckids\u201d parents!<\/strong><\/p>\n
Think for a minute of a memorable conversation you had with one of your kids some years ago. It may have been when your son told you he was going to ask his girlfriend to marry him. Or perhaps it was the day your daughter called you at work and told you about her scholarship.\u00a0 I\u2019ll never forget the day my grandson told me he was awarded an appointment to West Point, or the day when Eric (in Chapter 19) told me, \u201cYou will become the man you pretend to be.\u201d Or when Rafe (in Chapter Eight) told me there was no such thing as peer pressure. It was, he said, \u201c\u2026just an excuse to do what you know you shouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n
Who could forget these moments? That\u2019s why they\u2019re called memorable! After I became aware of the lessons the teens were telling me, I did begin to write them down, but so many of them came out of my memorable moments memory!<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT: <\/strong>How should parents use your book?<\/p>\n
PD: When I decided to concentrate my practice on adolescent medicine, I did so because I thought I would be able to help many troubled teens. I soon found that by age 13 kids are pretty much set in their ways (read values) and changing them is very difficult \u2013 possible, but difficult.<\/strong><\/p>\n
How much easier things would be if parents knew how to be<\/span> parents. Almost all parenting books are written for the new mother and teach how to nurse a baby, give a bath, introduce soft foods, toilet train a toddler, read to a child, play with him or her, and how to avoid other physical, possible stumbling blocks. These things are important, but more important is how to be<\/span> a parent!<\/strong><\/p>\n
Being a parent means changing from being a friend and buddy, to being a responsible adult in all things. Fathers are as important as mothers! Dads need to read parenting books, too. What you do is more<\/span> important than what you say; we all know that, but too often we forget. And everything<\/span> a parent does is important, everything!<\/strong><\/p>\n
My hope is that parents read Messengers <\/em>as soon as pregnancy is confirmed or even before conception. This will give them time to adapt to the role of parenting. Then they should re-read it often during the child\u2019s life. Midwest Review called Messengers,<\/em> \u201cTimeless\u201d, so the lessons will not go out of style!<\/strong><\/p>\n
People who already have children should read it, too. It can be in one setting or a chapter at a time.\u00a0 Hopefully, they can do so before the kids become teenagers. But, it will be helpful for parents with kids of every age, even teens.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Just imagine the impact if the parents of teens would read Messengers <\/em>and call the family together and say, \u201cMom and I have made some mistakes in our parenting style. So we are going to make some changes. It should not be harder for you, just harder for us. You will find things will get easier for you as we adapt to our new roles. There will be some new rules; you will adapt to them easily. Here, if you would like read this book, it will tell you what we plan to do and why. If nothing else, it will prevent you from making some of the mistakes we made when you become parents.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n
First, kids would probably all faint at parents admitting they made mistakes. Then they would rush to the parent\u2019s defense. Kids love their parents, and don\u2019t want anyone telling them that theirs are not great parents (except maybe the kids themselves when they are angry with their parents.) Additionally, the kids would be flattered that you suggest they read a parenting book. That tells them you are starting to think of them as adults!<\/strong><\/p>\n
Now, I\u2019m not saying that everyone who parents differently than I suggest is a bad parent; I am saying that we all can improve our parenting as well as many other areas of our lives.<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT: <\/strong>We\u2019ve all seen and know adults who are addicted to electronic gadgets. We\u2019ve seen couples eating dinner in fine restaurants who are texting, emailing, or playing games on their phones instead of talking to each other. How are parents supposed to control their children\u2019s gadget addictions in this kind of environment?<\/p>\n
PD: Remember, kids do what they see their parents do! Before your kids even have a cell phone or other electronic device they should not see you using it in a way you wouldn\u2019t want them to use it. That\u2019s half the battle!<\/strong><\/p>\n
When they get their first device lay out the rules you want them to follow along with defining what the penalty will be if they violate the rules. Here, the punishment should not fit the crime; it must be much worse to be effective. If they bring it to the table, even if they do not use it they lose it for a month or two. You decide with them before the violation! If they text and drive they can have the choice of giving up the cell phone for a year, or their drivers license for a year. Sure, that will hurt them and probably you, but it won\u2019t hurt as much as a funeral!<\/strong><\/p>\n
Another rule is that all cell phones, video games, and the like will be kept in a place where the kids are not doing homework. If they do homework upstairs, the devices stay downstairs. If homework is done in the kitchen, the devices stay in the living room. And, no such devices must ever be allowed in a kid\u2019s bedroom after bedtime. That goes for TV\u2019s and computers, too. Regardless of the kids\u2019 ages!<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT:<\/strong> There is probably a consensus that it is more difficult today than ever before to raise teenagers. Would you agree? And if so, what suggests would you offer.<\/p>\n
PD: Sort of, I am currently working on a book about what makes parenting so difficult today.\u00a0<\/strong>I have asked interested parents to let me know what makes parenting hard for them. You can help by sending your opinion along with the age of your kids, and your age as well as the age of your spouse to me at par.donahue@comcast.net<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n
I have discovered so far is that parents make it difficult by trying to be friends of their kids rather than parents. In addition they fail to make rules, or don\u2019t follow through with the punishment when rules are violated.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Start by never counting to ten while waiting for a child to do what you ask. We\u2019ve all done it, but that\u2019s starting bad a precedent.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Another thing that makes parenting hard is allowing or encouraging kids to be in too many activities. Parents are not designed to be taxi drivers. Mom and Dad have a life too! And remember, the kids came to live with you. They should be respectful of your time and place. Too soon they will be gone and if you have spent all your time with them, when they leave you will be lonely and a stranger to your spouse. Then there is the issue of \u201cpeer-pressure.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n
MJT: <\/strong>Having mentioned peer pressure two times already, talk about it and what a parent can do to prevent it!<\/p>\n
PD. When I heard Rafe (in Chapter Eight) say, \u201c<\/strong>Peer pressure is just an excuse to do what you know <\/strong>you shouldn\u2019t,\u201d and that<\/strong> there is no such thing as peer pressure, I wasn\u2019t sure if I believed him. So he added, \u201c\u2026<\/strong>it\u2019s like this: If you want to smoke or do something dumb like that, are you going to hang out with people who don\u2019t smoke and have them listen to you cough and tell you how dumb you are? No, you\u2019re going to find an idiot like yourself who smokes and you\u2019ll hang around with him and talk about how cool you look. No one comes up to you and says, \u2018Smoke this cigarette or I\u2019ll break your arm.\u2019 They usually don\u2019t even say, \u2018Smoke this or I won\u2019t be your friend.\u2019 Most of the time people don\u2019t care about you, or what you do. They only care about them\u00adselves. You can always find friends who want to do what you want\u2014right or wrong.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n
Since then, I have talked to many kids and adults about peer pressure. After they have had a minute to think about it they agree with Rafe.\u00a0 The thing you want to do comes first, and then you find someone who wants to do it, too. That togetherness makes it more comfortable and you know that society has already given \u201cpeer pressure\u201d a pass as an excuse. If you don\u2019t want to do the thing, you will find friends who don\u2019t want to do it either. You\u2019ll end up flocking with birds like yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n
However, it is different for positive peer pressure. Here again, you know what you should do but don\u2019t want to do it. Study, for example: if your peers are good students you will try to be a good student, too. And if your peers are poor students who don\u2019t study you may not study, but remember, you didn\u2019t want to study in the first place, so Rafe was right.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Now, there are some things that kids don\u2019t really think are important, and they don\u2019t care if they want to do them or not. Things like color of clothes, the way they wear their hair, or chew gum for instance. If their friends are all wearing shorts to a snowball fight, they will most likely wear shorts too. But that\u2019s not something important enough for them to have a pre-snowball fight opinion on.<\/strong><\/p>\n
So, the lesson is: Make sure your kids know what is right, what is wrong, and what doesn\u2019t make any difference. Then neither you nor they will have to worry about peer pressure.<\/strong><\/p>\n
Thank you, Mike for allowing me to participate in this interview.\u00a0<\/strong>One final request of our readers, please send me your thoughts on what makes parenting difficult. Together we can find solution!<\/strong><\/p>\n
<\/strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Messengers in Denim By Parnell Donahue, M.D. Messengers in Denim sounds like the title to the newest vampire trilogy or perhaps a new Scifi novel debut but it\u2019s not any of those things. In fact it\u2019s not a novel but a non-fiction book on successful parenting. It\u2019s about parenting… Continue reading<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":538,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/524"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=524"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/524\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/538"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/michaeltuckerauthor.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}